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Sleepless Night

Tonight I am totally out of order due to this throbbing headache , non stop sneezing , sore throat fever and Body pain. Almost all the common sickness together. Tonight i am not able to sleep or even lie down cos of the difficulties i am facing . Some nights are never easy. Wondering how to make this night short.

Its so true that When we get sick all the negative energy flow inside our body as we are weak to fight against those. To be frank i feel so weak and lonely tonight.Never thought in any of these days i would be missing somethings in my life which i have ignored most for better. Yet i miss some days of my life where you made it beautiful, joyful and awesome.

Well there are people in everyone's life who make you feel better and who simply makes you smile .They are always there whether you need them or not. Somehow they make a great difference to your life , making you believe in little things that brings happiness to you. They are the special people in your life who would cross any barrier just to be with you. They are the people who make you forget all your worries and concentrate on good things that is happening in your life.When you get sick they are always there wishing you a good health and making you forget your sickness by cracking jokes or saying beautiful words that heal you. Such are sweet people in your life. They would always know what you are going through although you don't mention that.They just know like that. I know everyone of us have or would wish for a such a person who would be by your side through thick and thin.

I was One lucky person who just got her wish fulfilled. Yet i was not able to appreciate it openly thinking something might go wrong .Something really did go wrong for that i lost the spark of the magic.But hoping to get back those beautiful days. Thank you for spreading magic into this lonesome life.

Loosing the grip

I have been feeling blue for the past few days , few months. I wasn't worried about myself in the past year thinking that in the beginning of this year all my unknown feelings would be vanished. i acted normal until today i lost the grip..NO more i can hold it. I know i am releasing all this as anger which i should not do. Yet it is happening. I am sorry for causing you all troubles, for giving you pain which you don't deserve.Hoping you would forgive me for all my troubles.

"Wherever I may wander down the pathways of life, My cry to you, oh my Lord, is ‘guide me to light’

Totally ok

Yesterday i had a great time with few of my friends. After a long time we got to spend some time together for few hours recalling old school days and discussing about big dreams and changes. I had a great time. Yet there was something that disturbed me for a while. Somehow it was surprising. while teasing each other seeing the beautiful full moon my friend asked me about missing someone. I instantly replied i dont miss anyone. It may be hard to believe .yet its true.I dont have the feeling of missing anyone now. Maybe i became rockhearted .Its not that i don't care about any of my friends. But Somehow i m just adjsuted to the life where i don't miss anyone. Maybe i am lost in another world. This is not totally me. Maybe the new me.

My friend said that in everyone's life there comes a point where we love to be alone.It s human nature. I don't know whether he was kidding or not. Somehow i believe that statement is true.I used to call or text my friends whenever possible although not lot. I always keeps in touch. But now there is only one or two friends whom i text which is also very few times.Am i changed ?I wonder. I don't know the answer to those questions. But what i know is i do care about all of my friends. And love to spend some time together.

It is also true that i feel lonely among the crowds and i feel better when i am alone or with only few special friends.If this is wrong then ya i may be changed.Maybe this is the nature of Humans. I have seen such changes in many of my friends. It took time for them to be back to the real world. And this is the time i am facing such situation.I don't feel lonely . I have all you guys who make me feel lucky. yet I cant help it. It will take time. My dear friends if you feel i am not been me for the past few days or now don't be worried. THis is totally normal. I love you all . Thank you for being there always.

Happy new year...

20.12.2011

This day began with the shocking news of the death of my aunts sis. Although we are not close relatives i never felt that we are far .The times spent with her when i was at aunts place were great days of my life. I still cant belive she is gone.She is a funny person. Now also when i think of her i remember the smiles and laughs of her. When she starts laughn it is difficult to stop her. Evrybody joins the laughter with her. Though sometimes she has been bit difficult to handle she has been a great person. whenever she sees me she has that smile and keeps complaining as i dont visit her.I like the complains of her. It always gave me the smile.I know i have been a bad person without meeting her. today i feel so bad that i could not even see her at the last minute.i cant believe she is gone.I will miss seeing her. i will miss the complains of her. I will miss her more than i thought. It seems like a dream.
May allah bless her soul and grant her Jannah. Will miss her always.

"Surely we belong to Allah and to him we shall return"

From the bottom of my ♥

Best Friends are very special people in our life. They are the first people we think of when we make plans or decisions. They are the first people we go to when we need someone to talk to. We would call them just to talk about nothing, or about the most important things in our life. A best friend would make us smile when we are sad. They would put all the efforts to bring a smile on our face. They give the best hugs in the world. They are the shoulder to cry on, because they care about us. In other words they would be ready to take a bullet for us because it would be hard for them to watch us get hurt. Every moment spent with them is exciting. We fight, cry, smile and make fun together. They will be reachable whenever the other needs them. In short they are almost two souls in one body.

This is what a best friend is like. I always wanted to have such a best friend in my life. From childhood onwards my search to find a best friend remained as a dream. When I met you I thought u would be the person whom I always wanted as a best friend. We have great moments of fun in our life. Though we are different in many things we became best friends during school days and after that. However the road was never easy. With you it was fun. Your bubbly and cheerful and exciting nature was a great help to me. My silence was broken and I felt the true happiness running through my nerves when I was with you. They were so many beautiful memories to cherish. However there were days when I was being neglected due to my silent nature, when u find people with whom u can enjoy. I was happy to see u happy. The best thing was you always realize the thing even though I didn’t say a single word. And then you just say sorry and make everything right. We were happy .And you were truly a great best friend.

The years passed by and our school days were over. Life began to change and with that our ship began to take different route. Everyone whom we know was proud of us. They see us still as how we were before. But u and I know everything is different now. Maybe it is because of the distance, maturity and life after school that changed everything. And mostly you have gone through a lot in your life for all you become to believe you are alone. And I know I couldn’t be there for you as I was so far.
There was a point in my life where I lost the trust I have on you. We share things with each other because of the trust. But when the thing we share between us is told to someone else it breaks the trust. I know you have talked about that with them. I just don’t know why. When they keep asking the question it really disturbs me. I share with you thinking that you will keep it in your heart. It doesn’t go that way. I never talked about any of your thing with others. Because I don’t want to lose your trust and since you are my best friend I don’t have to talk about your stuffs .It’s between us only. However I never complained and was as usual. Yet I lost the trust. Every time when I try to share something with you it comes to my mind and I just could not. May be this was the line that led us to different paths at one point of our life. But I tried to keep that aside thinking positive about it. I changed my perspective on that. You shared one important fact of my life with them, maybe hoping to get guidance on what was right on that situation. I know you just want to get idea on how to help me in the most difficult time of my life by giving the best option. Thinking all those I just forgot all about it.
May be I could not do much on it. And Today I am seeing a side of you which I have never seen before. Yet I am been silent. You complain that I didn’t do so and so. But yet you never think what you did. I don’t want to pin point every little thing. But I do think about it and it hurts. I know u can see what others show you. And you truly know I am not right for your best friend.

Today it was so hurtful when you said it doesn’t matter if I go or not. And when I told you to make things right you just said that you are not willing to do anything. I was surprised. I felt like I should let everything go. Because you do not need me anymore. Whether I stay or not it doesn’t matter to you. I should not be sad about those. I have lately felt that. Yet I don’t know why it is breaking my heart, why it is being a barrier to my work , why I keep thinking about it always , why I don’t feel like doing anything. Every single second now it keep spinning on my mind. It hurts so bad. But I can’t say anything on that .
I just pray to allah to make everything right. I do want us to be like before. I want to make everything right. So I will take every step I have to take to reach there.

I just want to say sorry If I ever hurt you. Hope things would change to better. And today I begin my first step towards making things right for us. Hope everything goes well. Because I want you to be a part of my life. I want us to share every little thing and be the best friends as always. I want to correct all the mistakes I have done when fulfilling the duty of friendship. Maybe everything became apart cos of me. So I will make everything right this time and never give a single space for you to feel that you are alone. I do love you and will always do.